Time by Goya. She decrepit, aged, weary, brittle, wearing a beautiful ball gown that hides her weak and feeble legs. The other person studies intensely and is studied even more so. The face, the teeth, the sunken eyes, crouching, hiding, afraid? Their faces are expressionless, anticipating what? Then the angel in the back ground is about to swing. Or is he? Is it the angel of death? Is it scary? Not at all, at least not to me. This painting only screams to me to be aware of time, and I think I am.
In only 19 days I will no longer be in Utah. I feel like each day that it comes closer brings me to a new perspective. Yesterday I turned down the offer to be in Old Yeller at the Rose Theatre, today I got called from a potential employer seeking an interview. If I had this job (part-time) then my schedule would have worked out for Old Yeller. Did I make that decision too soon?
I guess I feel like in 19 days my world will be turned upside down. I don't have any clue what our income will be like. I don't know if we'll have storage for our belongings for the two weeks that we will be homeless. I don't know if I will have a job. I want a full time job with all the benefits. I've applied to probably 20 and I've had one interview and maybe a second next week, but the upcoming interview is for a part time job, no benefits, not what I want. Do I interview and just take what I can get?
The other thought that is a constant vigil of my mind is the hope, the dream, the aspiration of owning a home. That is my number one goal right now. And, you wouldn't believe all the advice people have to offer (okay so maybe you would). Most everyone in my husband's family probably thinks that I am too eager because every time I even say one thing about the housing market in Lincoln they jump in with: "You should live there for at least a year to really know where you want to live." Do they know? Do I listen to their advice? Or do I rely on my personal instincts and knowledge?
In nineteen days I will be leaving this Utah status quo to a place I don't know. I am scared, I've heard bad things about Lincoln, NE. I am excited too. I am glad to experience, but I am sad to leave. I get frustrated thinking about money and jobs and experiences because I really don't have any clue as to what is in store. Is there a hole anywhere that I can run to and hide in?
