Isn't it Bliss?

The wedding bells have rung and TJ and I are Married. You will never guess all the trauma we (or I) had to go through to actually get the show on the road. Saturday morning, December 17, 2005 I woke up like 50 times. I seriously couldn't sleep. As if there was something that I should be worried about. An omen, perhaps? So finally, it's like 5:50am so I get up and just do little things waiting for my mom, my dad, and my sister to wake up to so we could leave for the temple. I pranced around, did some yoga, and finally it was about 7:30. So I semi got ready, but I didn't have anything with me to get ready with, namely my dress. So 8 am rolls around and it hits me that I am not going to make it on time to get all ready, my mom is still asleep, and by now I am just freaking out. So I just grabbed my sister's keys and headed off all by myself. I was ancy, anxious, and snappy. It wasn't until I heard the beloved "Christmas Shoes" song that I realized that there was peace in the world, and that everything would be fine.



All was well until I walked into the temple, alone, my car still running in the driveway, and I tried to frantically explain why I was all alone for my wedding, and why my mom was gone. This didn't come out at all, I think it sounded something like (sniff sniff, big breath in and out) "My mom, and my car well,I've got to Oh my, where's TJ? Where's Joey? She's supposed to do my hair." Of course none of that came out either. It was all basically sobs. So, TJ showed up and we sat down with our reccommends and our information. THe lady asked us for our Marriage license and certificate. By this time I realized that my day, my wedding, was ruined. TJ looks at me and demands that I had the certificate. He was so adamant and I couldn't get a word in edgewise, and I broke into hyperventalating. So I was rushed away from everything. After people ransacked through my belongings, through my apartment, and through everything of mine, the certificate was at TJ's apartment where I saw it last.

Then my mom showed up and it was all okay.

Well, sortof. I got ready and our wedding was only minutes off schedule. After most of the guests left a friend kindly mentioned to the officiator of our wedding that he forgot some important parts of the ceremonial words, so we had to do it all over again.

And finally we were off. The end.

My Wedding Announcement

TJ and I are getting Married in four days. Woo Hoo.



The Benson Building is one of the LDS Chaples in Spanish Fork, UT.
Here are some driving directions from Provo.
On I-15 South Take the Price/Manti US 6 exit
Continue on that road past Albertsons
Turn right at the next light. This should be Center Street.
You will come to a three way stop
Turn Left
Turn left again on the third street on your left
Continue until you see the Church.

We'll be right inside.

I love you Doll!

On Sunday evening I received a phone call from a friend. She had to inform me that one of my best friends was in a car accident and passed away. Katie Renville and I met about three years ago. She was the Pianist for Grimm Tales, the first BYU production either of us had ever been in. I remember sitting at the read through and talking to her. She had such a warm and inviting smile. Little did I know that this person would become so much a part of my life. We automatically became buddies in the cast, trying to out do everyone in our strength and in our driving skills. We were the best "grimmies" ever.

Shelby Pinney, Katie, and I fell in this habit of going to the Malte Shoppe whenever one of us wanted a break from life. And Katie and I especially had our "Girls" moments of going there. It became our thing. And eventually, as it goes, that tradition died down to something we just spoke of and passed along as a "we need to go someday" sort of thing. And, every time I go even before now, I think of Katie and Shelby.

She was my friend, co-actress, stage manager, and peer. We acted in two student run projects together, Grimm Tales, and she was the stage manager for another play I had a part in. And she was always there with a smile, talking about her mo-ped, her latest idea for a makeup project, or whatever else came to mind. She added excitement to my life in so many ways. She taught me so much.

Today I sat in another touring van thinking of Katie. It just reminded me of her, of us, and how much fun we had just being crazy. Or how much mature we felt when we drove the Van and backed it up WITH THE TRAILER. We were only humble about the things we were supposed to be humble about. Backing up the van was NOT one of those things. And, she was always better at that than I (although I would never let in to that until now). Just sitting in the van today and watching the windshield wipers go back and forth was enough for me to smile and reflect on those first few months of becoming great friends.

Finally, I don't know where we picked it up, or how it started, but when we greeted each other it was always with our New Yorker accents "Debra Doll how are you?" and our parting was the same every time, "I love you, doll." And I always knew that she meant it. She really did love so many people. And she was capable of that love and that energy for SO many people.

(Sorry Laura if I copy your style but it seems appropriate) Katie I love you too. I hope you know that. You have made a tremendous impact on my life. Your imprint will forever linger in my heart. I will miss your laughter. I will miss your smile. I have so many memories and I will cherish them. I am glad that you were my friend and you let me return the favor. I don't understand why I was so blessed this semester to have you in two classes, and I don't even know how it happened, but we always managed to sit right next to each other EVERY day. I loved that. I missed you on monday. I sat there, in the seat you usually sat in, and this may be really weird, but I felt honored. I only wished for a moment that I could articulate like you could and then it could have been like you never left, but it wouldn't. It was only pretend. But that's okay right? Thank you, thank you, thank you! You've done so much for so many people. Thanks for what you did for me. Katie, Doll I will miss you, I love you, and you really were the best at backing up the van, actually it was that and so much else.

Bridals, Groomals, and Couple Pictures

We decided that since December was going to be busy, we wanted to get pictures out of the way. So we picked a great afternoon, got all dolled up, and took some amazing shots. These aren't the best because I have to change some formatting. Enjoy

Fall is For

I wrote this little poem for the season I love most:

Falling leaves frolic in the frigid fall air

Make a blanket of colors for the earth's lair.

Fall is for laughing. Fall is for romance.

Drinking hot chocolate at the tri-ward dance.

I like fall because it is nice

I like fall because there's no ice (on the ground, yet)

Fall is for freaky midterms and papers and tests,

Fall is for getting sick, and not doing your best.

Frightening friendly friends to find your fears,

fraternize with your secrets and leave you in tears.

Funny costumes and party's almost every day.

Look out! Weird people come out! Get in your way.

Please do not be weird when this Fall flutters by,

Please do not hate this time that can fly.

Find where you fit: love betwixt hate

love the air, the season, the scary things hate.

Don't go in the dark, there's someone waiting there

Don't play with bats, they get caught in your hair.

Blood is thick and red and scary

witches are old and ugly and hairy.

Fall is the funny time of year

Ghosts talk to people, do you hear?

That is why I like Fall the most

It's fun, it's freaky, it is scary like burnt toast.

Embrace it and laugh and love and still

Be ready for frights and winter's chill.

The End.

ENGAGEMENT PICTURES

TJ and I got engaged back in June.

We went out a week ago and had a friend take these shots.

Just thought you'd like to see.

A cute little Kitty Cat!

This Kitty's name is Gallahad. How cute

I read my blog last night and one thought came to my mind: What the Sam? I realized that it made my wedding sound plan-less and un-organized, but I wanted to write this disclaimer that my wedding will be the best freakin' wedding ever. Chocolate Fountain and all.

I also just wanted to vent: I hate the fact that my wedding dress scares me. It scares me in the sense that I am afraid to bust out of the seams. I am afraid to try it on again for the sake of saving some self esteem. I guess I just feel a bit more pudgy. I am fully aware at the fact that I am a small person, but I don't care for the picture that I saw of myself in the Daily Universe with a chubby face. This is what I should look like right?

I love to work out because I always feel SO good after doing so, but I can't drag myself to the gym. I HATE running--with a passion. I know that it's the fad in Happy Valley to run and be thin. YAY! However, when I run I feel like I am about to die. And I don't think that would be the craze to catch on. Just imagine, one short, out of breath, pain stricken runner with another, carrying on a conversation (every other breath, like you have to because you are so out of shape you can't talk and run at the same time). Their conversation would go something like this: "oh my goodness (breathe in and out in and out) I love the fact that I am about to die." and the next person comes back with the same out of breath thought. "Seriously, (breathe in and out in and out) I guess I never realized just how awesome it felt to cramp, and feel dizzy, and cold all over, like I am about to die. I LOVE IT."

Okay, so that's probably not how it really is, but in my mind it sucks.



I don't want to be a suzie sucker so I'll accentuate the positive: I do love love love yoga. I feel like a million bucks when I get to execute an interesting pose for a minute. I feel like the world has harmony and that I have found a place in the fit group. I feel happy inside and like everything in "Happy Valley" really is happy, when I do yoga. But I just can't bring myself to do it alone. I have the know how, and I hate to brag, but I am pretty darn good and pretty flexible and can do most poses...but I still just don't do it? Why on earth is it so hard to make my way to the mat?

So, anyone looking for a great service project? Do you want to go to yoga with me? What about a seamstress? Do you know anyone who can let out a couple inches? Or what about a nip and tuck specialist who can take in an inch? Maybe that will work too?

And now I turn to some inspirational words from our dear General Young Women's President: Susan W. Tanner:

"The pleasures of the body can become an obsession for some; so too can the attention we give to our outward appearance. Sometimes there is a selfish excess of exercising, dieting, makeovers, and spending money on the latest fashions (see Alma 1:27).
I am troubled by the practice of extreme makeovers. Happiness comes from accepting the bodies we have been given as divine gifts and enhancing our natural attributes, not from remaking our bodies after the image of the world. The Lord wants us to be made over—but in His image, not in the image of the world, by receiving His image in our countenances (see Alma 5:14, 19)."

Okay okay, so this whole "thin" thing doesn't really matter to me at all. And I am sure I shall fit into my dress, at the same time I would like to continue doing yoga so I can have that flow of energy and positive calmness. It's good for the soul. I may be a little chubby here and there, and I don't really care. But I do want to be healthy and fit. No harm in that eh?

THIS IS HOW I REALLY FEEL

I've been accused of not being funny enough in my blog. And I've been accused of not being a good enough actor. Not that I would really be upset by what others think, or even let them give me a complex, I'm just not that sort of person. I know who I am, I know God's plan.

The death of my blog and my wedding plans occured on August 29 2005. I am an overachiever, but not in my classes, and I admit it. I've got too much on my plate and unfortunately my blog has gone down hill, (along with my wedding plans, they've just stopped completely!). I guess to those who blog fanatically just don't understand.

So, you may ask, what is it that has taken up my time? I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP. I want to be everything and nothing is helping. I can ponder this thought for hours on end. I'll look at grad schools, or yoga teacher trainings, or publishing websites, or whatever and just get all knotted up in my stomach. Am I a good enough actress? Should I try that venue?

My stake Relief Society Pres keeps on mentioning the fact that "some girls are choosing majors with no marketable skills," and then I feel her laser glare pulsating at my entire being. Why am I not an astronaut...they have really marketable skills? How cool would I be if I was a published author? Or, what if I was as funny as some, funny like...hmmm Lis Lark? And then people would comment on my blog and not to my face? Huh? Huh? They wouldn't tell me to my face that I needed to write better things, they would just tell me about the cool comment they made or whatever. (FRUSTRATION)

Okay okay, i really am not at all that up tight. I really don't care what others think. But for reals, if you read my blog, please tell me what you think I should be when I grow up? A Business person with my name on a cup? Or a doctor who would save lives all day?

When I was on a plane an older woman sat down next to me, hugging her purse rather tight. After a few deep breaths in and out she let loose a little. I kept to my own business until I heard this awful sucking and spitting noise off to my right. I looked in her direction and saw that she took out her little lipstick case with a mirror and was flushing her gaping teeth with her own spit. I couldn't believe my eyes or ears. Who on earth would make such a fuss. The irony occurred when the man behind her cleared his throat and she got the most disgusted look on her face, as if she was about to die because he did so.

That is not the point of my blog at all. The thing I have never been able to find a happy medium with is a purse. It is either too small, and I have too much stuff to put in it. The small ones start to look bulgy and like a waste basket. Or, in the other case, it is too large and i never have enough stuff to put in it. So, what do people put in purses. I know that if and when I make that step into purse-dome I will have a little lipstick case with mirror, but other than that, what should a purse carry?

The other problem I run into is how to match a purse to an outfit...I found, when I did carry a purse that I felt uncomfortable when I would clash with it....how do you solve something like this. I know that someday my back pocket will be too little for all the little things I put in it and that day I will find a purse.

Liquid U's

In the theatre world we believe in something called a liquid U. About a week ago some friends of mine and I were discussing the importance of the pronunciation of a Liquid U. This is a crucial part of speaking such words as Duty. Duty, when pronounced with a little liquid u...sounds GREAT. Pronounced with a strong Liquid u sounds...well, not normal. And finally, when pronounced with no liquid u sounds like "doody" which reminds of poop.

In church on Sunday last, a man was speaking, i hope, of our DUTY, but what came out over the pulpit was a lot about our doody...over and over and over again. In fact the choice sentences that I actually sniggered during was when he said, "when I think of Doody, i think of regimens" and "we've got to have strong Doody" and finally "it is our doody that calls us." So, I simply write this to put a smile on the face of one who reads this and finds it as amusing as I did.

Florida BABY!!!

Best friend's wedding...kissing a toad...making new friends...being a giddy school girl...road trips...humidity and curly/frizzy hair.

My Team Your Team...

My family plays this awful, but great game called my team your team. It's a watching game where you just look at people and put them on other people's teams. The object of the game is to find the crazies, grossies, or hairy's and put them on someone elses team so they have a loser team.

Upon writing about Family Reunion month in Chris Clark's blog (www.thejollyporter.blogspot.com) It reminded me that as my family travels to Lake Powell this weekend I will be missing out on some great game time. Not only game time related to Lake Powell, but also my beloved, sinful game My Team Your Team.

Seriously, this game is like doing everything that your mother always told you not to: "DON'T STARE," Well, we stare in this game; "DON'T POINT," we point; "DON'T JUDGE," we judge too! It seems that according to the golden rule, this game is the worst ever! But, IT IS SO MUCH FUN! It is even better when we begin quietly playing and putting our own family members on each others teams. So, where is the happy medium? Do I abhor this game and leave it out of my legacy? Or, do I embrace it and look forward to teaching my children?

Now, obviously I will most likely never instigate my children into such behavior, but I couldn't reprimand them for it either. I am sure that as long as people are different, other people will notice...so no harm done, right?

And now....
Now that people know of my blog I am filled with excitement and a rush of creative juices (unfortunately I still feel a bit timid about sharing it all, bear with me). Now I will just need to keep it updated.

Black Sheep??? Or Love?

So my parents are getting married today. I feel an awful lot like Dharma. Except for the fact that these parents are not flower children, living a life null of marital responsiblity. These are my parents who, back in April, simply could not get over a rough spot. They called it quits--lived without each other for 3 months and towards the latter of the second month realized just how much the other brought into their life. They started going out to dinner, calling each other on the phone, and doing their laundry together. It has been an interesting summer to say the least.

I got engaged in June and upon telling my fiance all about my family I have begun to realize more and more how strange we really are. But amid all our oddities there is love. A love that I have only really grown attached to recently. At first it bothered me that my family is nothing like the typical mormon family. (did I mention that I am of that religious background? well I am!) It sometimes bothered me that someday I would have to introduce someone to them and say to that person, "hey babe (sugar, honey, pet name, etc), so my family is all crazy, but will you still love me? I promise I won't be like them." Knowing well enough that I would probably end up with some similar characteristics. I do not encourage their activities, as I am sure they do not encourage mine. But, we are family! A family, nontheless, who needs love, and needs it maybe even more than the Smiths, or the Nephites. So where am I going with this?

Well, I guess it just amazed me that as much as I can tell other people about the crazy things in my family-- who is in trouble with the law, and who's been married how many times, who does this or that--I can also sit back and revel at the good times. I can look at my my family and love and admire their creativity, desires, growth, and characteristics. I choose not to pity for mistakes, but rather find more ability to care with this new found love. I just love my family! It may sound uneducated, or it may sound like I just don't have the type of vocabulary to express it, but that is just how it is.

My ex-Step Dad used to sing this song, "I am the black sheep of my family." I remember thinking that if there was always one, who would it be in mine? And, I would often come to the conclusion that it was me because I am really not much like everyone else. And, now I understand that depending on the perspective, anyone could be a "black sheep." But the real question is, does it matter? Do I care? NO WAY. They are my family and I love them. If we were all alike then we wouldn't be as interesting as we are. I am a part of them as much as they are a part of me. I may not join in on all of the festives, but I do join in on the memories, and fun times. And, I love them more with a love that I really cannot explain. (sorry about being redundant)

I guess what I am trying to say is that every family may have their differences, and mine maybe especially unique. I can laugh about those differences and enjoy everyone at the same time. I can see the things I choose not to do in my own life, but amazing enough as it seemed in the beginning, I look over those differences and love my family for the little things and for the joy they bring into my life.

Ahhhhh! Home on the range. I traveled this weekend to a beautiful area near Jackson Hole, WY. It is called Spring Gulch. Last summer I transcribed some of my grandpa's life history in which he mentioned shepherding in Spring Gulch. It is a valley surrounded by mountains, filled with streams, and encompassed in beauty. The Grand Tetons tower over the fields and old homesteads. If it weren't for the Honda I was driving I wouldn't have known that I was in the "here and now." I rolled down my windows and let the breeze flow into my car. I could hear nothing but the gravel, I could see no signs of city, and as much as I tarried in the valley I was certain that I would see my grandpa, his mother, and their sheep, even though he's been gone for 3 years and they haven't allowed shepherding for the last 30+ years.

It was a wonderful opportunity to sit back and let my mind wander. I thought of love, of life, of happiness, and of nature. I thought of my fiance, my family, and my future. I enjoyed the moments to relax, and drive through the country. It was nice to get away from the Hustle and Bustle of life. It was rejuvenating.

I've always considered myself as the type of person who has a lot of interesting experiences, views, thoughts (call them what you will) but, recently i noticed that most of them stay inside. I like to think that I can write an amusing tone that other's will enjoy, but I've only done it in my journal before. So here goes!

I am right now asking myself why I have chosen to have a blog? I was influenced mostly by people: the Young Co. director Chris Clark, my fiance's roommate, two men who walked by me conversing about the newest fad of "blogging"(it was a great conversation to eavesdrop into). Other influences crept into my being as I fancied the quest "to blog or not to blog?" I am ashamed to admit it but two characteristics I try to surpress were on the top of my "blogging influence" list as well: boredom, and peer pressure. Though I wasn't forced into blogging, I did have a craving just to see what it was all about--

And this is what I find

I feel a need to write my craziest thoughts, fears, actions...or my intellectual insights. It is exciting, I feel a rush...and I can't wait to write all about it.